Heya,
I have been planning this post since a while now but never knew where to start or if I even want to yap about it...because it sounds like I am in a loop yapping about the same things over and over again.
A few days ago I had deep feelings of nostalgia and felt a little bit depressed..
so I tried forming thoughts in my head about how I feel and wanted to post about how nothing truly excites me anymore.
Well, now I am kinda back to being excited about things but yet it is still not as it used to be.
So I formed thoughts about yapping about adulthood and how I feel like losing my inner child.
But then again, I don't really feel like I am surpressing anything.
and times change, they always will.
-
A few weeks back I chatted with Ray about how it feels weird to grow up.
Like you can literally tell your body changed and has become more womanlike, not like a little girl anymore.
And how the type of fashion that used to interest me, seems off now.
Like the type of clothes are more...mature now.
And I complained how there is not truly a fashion right now that interests me.
I can narrow it down to "feminine, skirts/dresses", but that's much it.
-
Last week I dreamed about how excited I was about Winxclub and I collected the magazines.
I religiously went down to the train station every month to buy the newest one.
Back then we still lived in town. I felt nostalgic and happy about it.
I loved how winxclub magazines were colorful and glittery, they always had a cool gift.
When I woke up, I kept thinking about how gyaru technically was a continuation of just that.
It was glittery and colorful. It was more about fashion than winxclub, although winx also had fashion aspects.
Later on I kept collecting Larme magazines.
-
So basically, the fashion and topic changes but the habits..
me as a person...has never changed at all.
Right now I don't have a specific topic or fashion, also not a special magazine I like.
Maybe it is the habit that is missing here.
-
I thought about how my style changed but then again...it never, really did?
When I was younger I was dreaming of beautiful dresses.
The dress of Rapunzel in the Barbie movie was my favourite.
As a teenager I would browse prom online shops and how I wanted to wear these beautiful clothes.
When I got older it was this japanese online shop, I forgot the name but it probably was a place where some hostesses would shop too. (something with sugar I guess it was).
And again I would browse for beautiful dresses.
Maybe that was why I was so in love with hime gyaru.
I tried all of the substyles because of the variety but in hime was my soul.
After I quit gyaru the first time I looked up more fairycore dresses and later lolita.
And now, I still wear dresses. It is more mature, sometimes I like a touch of vintage.
Yet it is the habit that never died out.
-
Everything is less pink and less glittery.
There is no magazine to look forward to.
They all shaped me in some way.
I can be excited and have passion.
I believe it is the "childlike" excitement I am missing.
As a child there is something you look forward to.
The newest game, the newest show, the newest magazine, next christmas, next halloween..
Now it's just day by day.
-
I want to be excited for the next day again.
xoxo rinmero
