Music of memories

caution: post gets really depressing the middle...sorry.

 HEYYYY!!

Bonus post muahaha.

I just finished reading my blog list and while reading Mels blog I came up with another post idea.

You know how sometimes old songs bring up memories?

So I make a small post of songs that remind me of certain phases in my life.

Theres soo many songs of course, so I decided to pick like 4 or 5.

I got reminded of this song by one of rays posts actually wow.

This is like such a typical song that plays when we have weddings or holidays with the family, birthdays etc.

So when I hear this song I think of times when I was a little girl (primary school age) dancing in a white tulle skirt in a big hall.

One time I fell asleep on one of the benches and when I woke up and walked back to my seating place, wanting to continue drink my water, the order of the glasses were a little bit different.

I thought I took my glass, just to end up drinking vodka...which was super disgusting.

We would dance until early in the morning and show up the next day helping to clean the hall.

My parents haven't taught me how to speak russian, so I actually don't understand any of the russian songs we listen to but some just immediately get recognized.

This song reminds me more of my early teen years (or tweens they are called I think?).

I have shown lafee once in my posts, she was like literally a music idol for young girls back then.

She had that little rebel aura (the years of emo btw) and her "L" on the side of her face was absolutely peak back then.

She was an artist we would play up and down.

There was also this shop downtown which offered fanmerch of a dark princess (I forgot her name) but the vibe was real. I even got the striped armsleeves.

Me and my friends would get the hairdye spray cans and sprayed racoon tails on our hairs.

We also got ourselves fake piercings that we put on after we left the house haha.

There are many lafee songs that I love but I specifically chose this one for this post now because just a couple months ago when me and my friend Josi drove to Stuttgart and this song started playing we SANG THE LYRICS WORD BY WORD...we had our own lil concert in the car, I end up missing our exit on the highway.

lil translation:

"Who am I, that I am the one in your heart?

why?

who am I, that I am the one you love?

why?

can I be next to you?

why do you want me?

why am I the one?

why do you tell me: "i love you"?"

This is a song that I listened to during my teenage years.

I used to watch a lot of anime, especially ecchis because I thought they were really funny.

i.e. sora no otoshimono, KissXSis..

I think it was also because I was super depressed during that time and they cheered me up.

I had a dark pink/black bedroom and my dad used a projector to display a striped motive on the wall that should help us to paint it.

I used to spend a lot of time on tumblr doomscrolling through graphic gifs and pictures of selfharm, pro-ana and suicide.

I used to watch shows like american horror stories or supernatural.

Vocaloid and nightcore were standard songs on youtube during that time.

And then I found this one in the recommendations and they added translations on the version from mafumafu.

I was magnetized to the screen.

"We are hated by life itself.

without understanding what luck actually means..

we hate the hand that gave us life.

and damn our past!"

I could copy and paste the whole lyrics because it is just so damn powerful.

I personally believe this and some other songs were what moved me to try to heal and remind myself of the things that actually matter.

matching to the other song, this one holds memories over years...but with a different context.

The first one is...

I listened to this song as a young adult.

Still depressed.

I stopped self-harming though.

I was sick of feeling this way.

I would wake up, go to school, sleep during class, come back home and went back to bed.

I completely distanced myself from my body.

I existed but I was spiritually....dead.

Honestly, I don't hold many memories from these years.

They almost feel like they are deleted from my head completely.

I have no idea what I did or what happened.

There is only few little glimpses...for example the new years eve night I saw fireworks exploding over me and the people cheering around me and I felt so empty.

I cried on the street.

When I heard this song I cried again.

I don't often talk about how I experienced my depression but it's different than most people describe it (this whole sinking in the ocean thing).

A few months after that I dropped out of high school and started my apprenticeship.

I fought a lot with my issues, setting my own borders and limits but also my fears (for example I had crippling social anxiety...and started working as a waitress).

People criticized me for my decision to go without education but honestly it was one of the best decisions I made in my life. I finally felt free and out of the prison that school was in my life.

Not being surrounded by people that hate you, teachers that hated you and miserable grades I finally could move on.

the second memory is approx. 3-4 years later..

I went to mcdonalds drive in, alone because I was taking lunch, parked in the front though.

I still had my old silver volkswagen polo that was like 18 years old or smth at this point.

I was eating my cheeseburger listening to my metal playlist when this song started playing.

...

and I could not relate to it.

That was it...I could not relate to the feeling of wanting to give up.

...wanting to die.

But I can remember the memories of the feeling of how it was like.

Instead of distancing my soul from my body, it was my memories distancing from the pain.

I knew the words I used to describe the pain.

I had no idea how it felt anymore.

and I cried in my car again.

I knew I healed.

and a last one <3

Eisbrecher is one of my favourite bands because of many reasons.

when I listened to this song I started reading dark romance and for whatever reason I was soo into romantic stuff. I also used to watch C-dramas on Netflix of the same genre.

It made me look into china and the language and all of that further.

I remember falling in love with hanfu and their fantasy costumes.

June 2023, I went to my first concert ever and it was Eisbrecher.

I had no idea what to dress because I knew everyone would wear black but all I had were flower dresses.

I actually owned one white dress with a black sea pattern that I chose to wear that day.

The moment they opened, I was absolutely magnetized.

It was the most exciting thing I had experienced for a while.

Eisbrecher means translated Icebreaker, the smoke was intended to look like you are on the antarctis or something like that.

I was bummed a bit they didn't play this song because it is my all-time favourite.

It made me feel excited again for a long time.

I can copy paste the whole text as well..so he pretty much lists a bunch of things that are between him and his love of life.

The refrain is so emotional, I love singing along...

"I race for you

I burn for you

I won't run from any trouble along the way

still there is even more between us"

it builds up over time until it all breaks loose..

"until nothing, nothing, nothing more

stands between us

and I finally feel your heartbeat"

the whole english lyrics can be found here

I love seeing music from other people and I know my taste isn't exactly what others enjoy listening to.

But I also I pay close attention to lyrics. The songs with the best texts end up being the ones I enjoy most.

xoxo rinmero

updates + new layout + another music playlist

Helloo!!

Let's start from the beginning...I haven't posted for a while haha

Some day this week I decided I haven't baked muffins for a long time <3

this time with apple and cinnamon :)

I loved this christmas outfit I have done for my game..

I am playing a little less rn I have to admit.

I started with the embroidery and oh boy..

first I had the wrong needle...I actually broke some of the gems because it was too big.

It took me a while to figure out how to do it properly but now I am a bit faster.

I got myself a new pajama <33

It wasn't much so I had to take it..

for next year I want to get new summer pajamas...

I have so many cozy winter pajamas but barely summer pajamas.

All I got now are almost broken and soo old.

for christmas I asked my parents to get me one of these sucking machines for doing nails <3

since my UV lamp was on sale (over 80% off or smth) I asked if they can take two as well lmao.

mine flickered and for that price I stocked up hahahahaha.

That was quite fun haha

to the order also were two glitters shipped.

the first 4 took me like 4 hours but I have gotten quicker.

I actually don't need to go through it twice, once is enough because I double my threat anyway.

However, two things that made it harder for me than it should be:

1. I don't have one of these wooden frames, the fabric constantly flaps around and makes it suuuper hard to stitch straight.

2. I should have drawn a straight line or smth as orientation because sometimes it is further left or more on the right side 

BUT ITS SO FUN

and it actually made me come up with another idea but we will see what I do with that...later more

I actually wanted to make a new years design and upload the playlist I made like two months ago and ALMOST FORGOT...so I am a lil late...this will be a short fun..

Like last time I let grok make my background and it made me a few more absollutelllyy breathtaking pictures..I saved them now regardless haha.

Look:

but for the background I opted for this design now :D

It's exactly what I imagined in my head T.T

so my new layout <3

it pretty much starts looking the same haha..

but thats actually quite good since I want to keep the theme but just change a few things every now and then.

I opted some things to make it more casual, so that after new years eve I only have to change like 2 or 3 things only.

changed some of the pics on the left...

this GIF on the bottom in my feed!! <3

and of course the playlist I have been talking about

I actually have been playing this one almost nonstop since halloween haha.

I first wanted to make eurobeat again but then redecided and chose techno/hardbeat-remixes but I tried to remain more or less the same vibe.

I picked songs that give nostalgia but with a modern touch and a catchy vibe.

I hope you get what I mean haha.

the songs hips don't lie, africa and how you remind me are my favourite out of this playlist.

I hope you enjoy it <3

I will update you again soon, cuz I still have to upload my book post etc. hehe

xoxo rinmero

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas everyone!!

 

Xoxo rinmero

New winter nails x3

 Hellow!

Finally after 4 weeks!!!

This was the absolute maximum with that length..

actually I got stuck with my left pinky and it broke underneath my design.

When I took off the nail I realised it didn't broke in the middle or somewhere at the end...IT BROKE RIGHT AT THE TOP...That's like....so dangerous xD

But since I do my own nails and I give no fucks...I did another 3XL design on top lmao.

That was the original design that I wanted to use as inspo.

Over the weeks I saw more and more cute designs where I took additional inspo.

At first I wanted to add a little bear like that.

I usually don't like these 3d sculptured bears or whatever but after watching the video, this is actually super cute.

However I felt lazy and decided to just do it a different time.

And here is my result:

I. Am. In. LOVE!

I wanted to use the button for the design but it was actually really hard to get rid of the loop, it heated up so quickly and it took so long that I decided to just skip it this time.

I def need to prepare them if I want to use them on a design.

Instead I did clusters again.

The 3d flower failed so hard, idk what was up...

The one on my right hand looks a tiny bit better tbh.

Also I figured out whats up with this weird EU rule.

SO BASICALLY....

the EU says as a nail technician I have the obligation to check where my products are from, not what is in the products in every detail. That is the task of the distributor. So you need to be able to contact a person in charge to get the information from them. Hence -> I as a nail technician should buy from an EU shop to have a person in charge that can be contacted. If I do not have an EU person in charge, I count as the distributor -> I am the person in charge and completely liable for the ingredients.

So the answer is yes, I need to get different products before I am able to use them on clients.

I put only the necessary stuff in the cart first and the order was already 600-700€!!

Which I am fine to pay whatever...

BUT for some odd reason, I cannot order with paypal installment payment.

And I also cannot pay like 700€ AT ONCE without any leftover savings or smth..

that would be crazy.

So I need to get the new stuff one by one :(

But I will use that time to make proper pictures of designs..

maybe post them already somewhere..

and focus more on my current new job as well.

Selling is so much fun but absolutely crazy.

I literally consult the whole day and walk through the whole house and yes, obviously there is not much going on bcuz not many people buy furniture before christmas...

I had barely made like 7k revenue or smth.

To compare: I have to make like approx. 60k revenue monthly to make minimum wage.

Thank god in germany we have a thing called guarantee salary..

Which means, even if I do not sell enough..I always get paid minimum wage. :)

I am on testing the first 3 months anyway but I still count my revenue to get a feeling.

xoxo rinmero

New coffee

 Hellow!

I am not sure if I have mentioned it in my other posts...if I did, I am sorry if I repeat myself.

So I ordered new coffee packages. Why?

So here is a teeny tiny problem I encountered:

when I tried to buy milk capsules from the local aldi, it was sold out for weeks.

The employee told me thats because they get sent random packages for each "box" of 6 packages.

They cannot choose, which means if customers buy one flavor more than the others and the others are still in the grocery store, there won't be ordered new boxes.

I found the milk capsules in a different Aldi and took like 6 packages I think?

Now I had the same problem with my espresso.

I had to order online a new filter and cleaning capsules anyway, so I figured I buy new coffee and espresso there.

BUT my coffee which was also empty in the store, wasn't online either and I found out why.

They took it out of the assortment :((

I had to take a different coffee capsule from the local shop and even though it is okaaay...it does not taste the same.

I looked through different capsules online and I could not decide at all.

I wanted to have something similiar to what I used to drink.

So of course I asked ChatGPT (:

Turns out...I have a whole coffee PROFILE O-o

I like heavy roasting (at least like 7/8 out of 10), chocolatey and arabica beans.

the espresso I like had the same profile.

It seems like the coffee I chose now from the local shop had a different profile and that's why it didn't taste right to me anymore.

So here is my order:

6(!) packages of espresso to stock up.

and here the rest:

I wanted to try the irish cream flavour, which also might be great for guests who like drinking cappucchino.

the left two flavours on the bottom were the one which I had in my cart first.

ChatGPT confirmed they were good choices but they have the con that they can vary in taste sometimes. I still want to try them now.

When they arrived now I noticed one is a limited edition xD oh well..

ChatGPT recommended Dallmayr to me, constant taste, always in stock.

Both can fit to me, I wanna try though if there is a difference between the normal coffee and the intense one, because sometimes I had the problem, that my coffee was too strong and I couldn't fall asleep.

That's not always tho, normally I can still drink coffee at like 9pm and everything is normal, so I don't know exactly what was the problem on these few days.

So I want to try the less intense one and the intense one at two nights in a row to be able to see a difference. I believe if the break inbetween is too long, there are various other factors that will change the result again. If the less intense one is better for my sleep and taste the same I will choose that one in the future. If sleep stays the same but taste is meh, I probably go for the intense one.

My favourite drink is two spoons of brown sugar, one milk capsule, one espresso and a coffee capsule (lungo can be used for this as well).

I even made a video of this once to show my coffee machine xD

I also digged deeper into this whole doing nails thing and now I am insecure.

It seems (I am not sure about that though) I am not allowed to use my products on clients.

They are Hema&TPO-free BUT do not have the EU-certificates.

Which means I am allowed to buy and use private but not allowed to use on clients??

However, I was searching for a shop within the EU and found a german one many nail shops buy from and SHE ALSO does not have these EU certificates on their shop??

This is so weird and confusing.

I am willing to buy new stuff, because I rather just switch my products than receiving an expensive fine and I am not allowed to practice ever again but if I don't have to? The stuff from Vendeeni for example is a lot cheaper.

that's enough from me at first.

xoxo rinmero

Getss

Hellow!

So I received part of my shein embroidery haul a couple day ago. 

This is what I received.

this hairaccessory that I wanted to use for the look but probably will just store it for now (later more)

and this feather stuff..

I wasn't sure how and if I will use this but for now I have it.

I also received the skirt but haven't tried it on until today.

I actually received the rest of the order like...idk yesterday I believe?

I totally forgot looking through it, so I did this in the morning after I walked the dog.

Like I mentioned the theme was red/phoenix, so I ordered jewelry according to this.

It took a while to figure out how to wear this and I am not sure if I will wear it for the intended look because of the sleeves..

at first I was so dissapointed with this hair accessory because IT WAS HUGE..even when I pushed it together to make it more narrow...it seemed so...not usable.

However I did figure out how to wear it.

I had to alter my original idea now but this is how it looks:

I still absolutely love how this looks and I probably will get another one like that LOL.

I remember as a teen I was obsessed with hair accessories like this or crowns.

I believe I still have one somewhere with which I couldn't figure out how to wear it...maybe that changed now.

Actually all of the accessories are more roségold and the hairchain is yellowgold, so I have to store the hairchain for a different look...also I probably need to make the outfit more red/rosé because of this as well.

these are some golden beats and chains

I got the red and the "golden" beads now for variety.

Those are the jewels I use for my nails but these are intended for the embroidery now, so I will keep the frame on obviously.

I got a few different sequins because I couldn't judge the color online.

those are shoulder pads.

They are flimsy but I knew.

I want to upgrade them with beads and that will give them more stability in the end as well.

this is corset and skirt.

I chose the skirt darker now, because I felt a darker skirt is more matching than wearing a lighter one but now it turned out to be almost (!) the same color.

perfect.

the red of the coat is too bright.

I wasn't sure if I will wear this one for the phoenix theme and yes, it looks horrible in the combo with the bordeaux...I probably will just upgrade this one for smth else because itself the coat is perfect, just what I wanted.

The skirt is a little bit too long and around the waist too wide.

I will put an elastic in and cut off some at the end.

This skirt is other than that absolutely awesome!!

IT HAS POCKETS!!

I am not sure if next time I will order a smaller size or just put an elastic in again.

Both has pros and cons,

the top is amazing and fits, it is much more comfortable than I thought it would be.

The intended design probably won't go on the corset, the space is too narrow, so I will change my idea here as well.

Honestly, I don't think the intended theme will work for what I just got but I still have great items now and just make something else I believe.

the coat was 9,69€

the corset 9,22€

the skirt was 8,48€

If worn together (probably not with the coat but anyway), the clothes are 27,39€

with some bead embroidery they definitely will turn out very interesting!

total order with all the stuff is 83,18€ but that includes jewelry and leftover beads that can be used for other designs.

The theme in my game the other day was so weird in translation: "spongey elegance" wtf is that supposed to mean.

Everyone was wearing a lot of fur, so I did a winter/fur-look and it received lots of votes.

I actually love how my lady looks like with silver hair and the new eyes etc.

since I did this black gown look for the magical kingdom theme I am obsessed.

Todays theme is cyber fashion (from the event that expires).

I do not receive many votes today but my look is also damn boring and unimaginative.

Just like everyone elses.

They all look pretty much the same lmao.

Guess what, another GET! xD

I also received my nail shein order.

Let's put it like that: I will never order nail stuff from shein again.

it might be cheap but not what I want/need.

and the descriptions are always so bad, I receive something else I expected.

For example I got two more tips..both are longer than expected but not full cover this time.

These will be for acrylic nail sets (since I said I wanna go back to acrylic more often).

Here is just one thing: the title said c-curve, so I expected one but it seems (if I had looked more closely), they are NOT.

the ad had a picture (7 or 8th) where it stated they are FLAT.

It is not the end of the world but I prefer c-curves.

My nailbeds are round and I think c-curves are prettier.

acrylic liquid (which is also on AliEx)

transparent acrylic, they didnt even tag this one, it's absolutely nuts.

nail cleaner which is JUST 75ml (why the hell would I order smth this small, I have no idea why ad how that happened)

And base gel which I desperately needed.

more 80grid nail files, that I can use on clients.

new clippers because I just wanted them lmao.

New acrylic brushes which were unnecessary, because they are a lot smaller than I believed.

and a new waxpen that I needed..this one even has a cap <3

I also finally got this thing..I really wanted to try if removal is faster.

If I return to acrylic, a fast removal is necessary.

and a new dappen dish because mine is also...yikes.

Like I said, I should have just ordered from AliEx or smth but anyway now.

The total was 35,57€...so I will survive it lol.

xoxo rinmero