How to find your true self

 Heya!

So this is going to be more of a yapper post.

So as you might know, I had planned to be a nail artist in my own home.

And although the journey had been quite short, I learnt a few things about myself.

Unfortunately, this won't be a success story, more like a lil self-reflection post.

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The past few weeks I could have started already.

I made a few nails in order to collect pictures or think about how to present myself on social media or what next steps to take.

And that's when progress got really really slow.

I know I was quite busy but also, was I really?

It felt more like making excuses of why I don't have the time to work on it.

At first I thought that maybe I am hesitant because I am afraid but then again, why be afraid?

I have nothing to lose, I could start right away and stop right away.

I talked with a few girls and gently tried advertise myself to them but the interest was literally zero.

Most of the time it wasn't really the designs or the skill sets, it was the money.

Many of them want to get their nails done but it's expensive.

They would even show some artists around and their prices and what they do and honestly I was surprised because I didn't know there where so many nail artists around.

Worst of it all was, they clearly had a great skill set and even cheaper prices.

Honestly, I knew about the competition and I knew it wouldn't be easy but it made me reflect it more.

Like, do I really want this for example.

I thought about this for many hours and honestly, I don't think it's being afraid, or the competition, I just don't wanna do this.

The hesitation is based on "I don't wanna do this", that's it.

I did not wanna do this in the first place and thought about doing press-ons instead and now I believe that both aren't really my thing.

Also compared to the work you put in, being a nailist is just being paid really bad.

I wanted to do this in the hope I could make maybe a hundred or a bit more in the month but now with my new job I make even more than that.

Instead, the other days I feel like resting or doing something less exhausting than sitting 3+ hours in a chair doing a nail set.

I have no passion for this anymore, at least not like I used to.

Obviously I still love beauty and all of that but not in the same way.

So yes, I am going to quit that plan but it probably won't be the last thing I will try.

Also, If I ever change my mind, everythings ready.

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What do I love about my current job?

Autonomy, Planning, Selling...

I am still creative but I don't MAKE the furniture and that's probably what bothered me about the nail idea. I don't want to DO the nails, I just want to sell them?

I am also not done learning in my current role.

I still fear every month "what if I don't hit my targets? What if I can't?".

And now I got new colleagues, some that are quite good actually..."competition".

And, since January I am constantly in the top rankings of the salesmen, which puts a bit more pressure on me. It feels like "I have to be great this month again, this is my reputation. I can't let anyone pass me".

Honestly, this is how it feels to play on the field, so basically to me it means in my head "If you can't handle it on the small field, how do you want to handle it on the big field?".

So that's my next plan actually - just doing my job and learning with it.

Idk why I keep pressuring myself. I saw a post about the average age of female business owners and compared it with the german women. The average age is between 35-38 years old.

BUT that's just the founders, doesn't mean they are guaranteed success.

Of the "successful" or "quickly growing" businesses the age is average 45.

45!! I am 27...I am a baby compared to that.

So yea, I won't stop and I know I say I try to do it calm and easy and without stress but I know myself, as soon I have the next big thing in my head it will be the same.

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Knowing myself also was quite a big topic in my head the past few weeks.

I realized, now that I let things evolve just naturally, it sometimes seems like I am returning to childhood.

Like for example the clothes I would pick, naturally, before I felt like I had to choose an aesthetic.

Or also things that interest me.

And maybe that's why I struggle with finding my career.

In all my dreams and ambitions, I never dreamed of a career.

All I knew was that I will be successful as an adult.

How and with doing what was never determined.

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Do you sometimes believe that children know what they are going to be, before they truly know it and before they are being told what to be?

Like a pattern, that resurfaces over and over again, that tells you "this way, this is you"?.

I have been busy this year building a part of myself and I feel like for the next 3 months, I choose to just live and exist for a while again before heading to my next direction.

To the next thing that shouts which way to go.

xoxo rinmero

bathroom progress

 Heyaa!

So monday I received my washmachine/dryer and since then I finally got to do my loads of laundry.

I waited until I get it to try it out and I am almost done with everything.

Look at this baby!

I got it way cheaper over my work than it usually would sell and so far I am happy.

This is the first time I am using a dryer!! and honestly at first it's kinda scary xD

Like when I "learnt" how to wash clothes I did the same here, using various programs with different textiles with clothes I wouldn't mind if they break.

Some (actually many) of my clothes do not have an etiquette (or anymore) and those who have almost 99% don't allow a dryer?? So then the machine would be useless for me so I just tried it out a little bit and I think I found the program for my stuff.

Also I put up the shelves and the razor holders.

It seems the glue is steady enough BUT what I haven't realised first is that the shelves are not exactly straight, so when trying to glue the first shelf it didn't fit and I had to fix it a few times and now as you can see in the picture it's still not straight. It works I guess.

And you can see how I have plenty of room on just one!! 

So I have seen inspo pics online how some put a plant and a lamp on top but now I am not quite sure. how and where to put one if I want.

So here is the dilemma:

I tried drawing myself here haha so you can imagine the height a bit better.

And yes the lower shower head is right around my neck, because I use this one for just washing my body after having my hair mask in.

If I put the shelf on the top (as it was originally planned), it is too high to actually reach something?

But then again, that might be good?

If I put it one lower on the wall it seems off.

i might should have glued it in a different order but I figured the perfect height for reaching my bottles was that, so idk.

Oh and before you wonder about the "dirt" on my tiles: that's hairdye, and no it doesn't come off.

If anything at all, sometimes theres just more added to it, so eventually I gave up.

I clean the tiles but the lines inbetween, they look however they look at this point.

I also added one of my nets for the windows in the kitchen and Idk how I measured but it was quite big.

So a lil tip, even if it's just 2-3cm: Get the smaller size instead of the bigger one.

I had to fold it in the corner and I am not able to shut the light anymore but then again, I don't use them anyway. However I have another window in my nail studio I want to close with a net so I will order a smaller size there I believe.

Luckily the expensive stuff is over and now it's just pretty much decoration, or shelves or whatever I can think of to make my apartment cozier.

I actually plan on changing the color of my bookshelves but I am not sure if it will work the way I believe and how I will do it and whatever but we will see.

xoxo rinmero

new magazines

 Heyaa!

So lately I have a new boom which technically is just my prior boom but more refined.

Since I dropped terms and stick to just what I like to wear, it's getting more difficult to get resources.

I practically am building my look from various sources. I already had that boom a while ago, twice actually, but still struggle giving it a term.

I used goth larme in a dark autumn color palette but whenever I am searching for "gothic" kind of items, it's not "IT" y'know?

What I found gets close sometimes is "Dark Romance" or "Dark Feminine", which both terms are absolutely ridiculous but it gets the job done I guess...it definitely gets closer to my vision.

So I actually ended up getting inspiration again from Gyaru.

Some tsuyome but mostly Onee.

And well, how it is sometimes browsing through the internet you start in one corner and end up somewhere else.

In my case I ended up on a german shop selling current magazines from Japan.

I didn't know it exists but although it wasn't really in the budget anymore, I thought "Screw it, it's just 30 bucks more" and got them now.

Ane Ageha Vol.44

Koakuma Ageha Spring Vol.9 2026

and Larme 069 (Summer 2026)

My problem with gyaru was, that the inspo I had seen, I had seen like a million times already and they are, well, very old.

I thought about switching to newer editions but ultimately just dropped it because it wasn't really my case.

However these issues are actually quite good and I took some pics of what stood out to me.

Ane Ageha

The first two faces I recognized from the before picture!

She is probably the only I recognized even in the newer pictures because I saw her face a couple times through Social Media.

The first few pages are all about Cosmetic Procedures and not just brows and stuff, a whole lot of surgery as well.

What caught my eye was the cover of the magazine, although the lips are definitely not my case, everything else fits.

The jewelry, the red lips and nails, dark hair..so obviously it caught my attention

I still have no clue who she is but the fits are kinda my thing.

I almost cried seeing this face again.

Keiko was THE inspo during my hime phase.

I was surprised seeing some gyaru and lolita every now and here and damn, they are still playing the game although they are 32 and over 40 years old.

I also found some outfits I liked and take as inspo.

I like the hair pins.

In the last few pages the shooting they made was catching my eyes, it is aesthetically pleasing..

Also my eyes go towards her shoes lmao.

This issue was a lot of text, so if you can't read japanese it might be hard to understand what the topic is about.

Koakuma Ageha

I can't do any of these hairstyles but I thought they are super cute.

The middle outfit is amazing but the other two are also pretty.

Now I know why I always thought the winter outfits in these magazines are a little light but honestly if 9-14 degrees is considered cold? No wonder why I never could wear these outfits here.

This is like...spring weather, seriously.

In winter the temperature sometimes drop even below -10 degrees.

There is unfortunately no room for cute outfits.

And honestly, I feel like I already knew about this but everytime it's reminding me of the weather differences I am shocked.

Idk, I just can't get over it sometimes haha.

Although I am not really into cute anymore, this page still caught my eye somehow.

They had a page about the photoshootings of egg and how exhausting they were, they compared egg with ageha and also talked about some things of the shootings that were a "NG" (No-Go).

Inbetween they had a what's in my purse and although I always felt like it's unnecessary doing for me, I might consider it.

But my current bag is like so broken and unspecial idk if I wanna do one with it or just wait until I get a new one.

Larme

Like always, the fashion in larme is a whole lot more into the j-fashion scene and it was more an entertainment looking through it than an inspiration gathering.

What fascinates me most about Larme is about how over all these years it technically remains the same.

The fashion and the people change but larme is the same.

The same patterns, topics and colors.

Rebranded with each new trend.

Which magazine was my favourite?

Mmh, I am not sure tbh.

Aesthetically? Ane Ageha.

Content-wise? Ageha.

Larme wasn't my case at all surprisingly.

This morning I had a quick check-up with my doc and my wounds are healing just fine.

I also feel a lot better, so I believe after staying home this week I will probably be fine again.

This afternoon they will deliver my new laundry machine!

Definitely will show you, also I am excited because this is the first time I have a drier.

I never used one before, so this will be interesting.

I have loads that has to be washed.

Excited to test it <3

xoxo rinmero