but am I that different?

 Heya,

I have been planning this post since a while now but never knew where to start or if I even want to yap about it...because it sounds like I am in a loop yapping about the same things over and over again.

A few days ago I had deep feelings of nostalgia and felt a little bit depressed..

so I tried forming thoughts in my head about how I feel and wanted to post about how nothing truly excites me anymore.

Well, now I am kinda back to being excited about things but yet it is still not as it used to be.

So I formed thoughts about yapping about adulthood and how I feel like losing my inner child.

But then again, I don't really feel like I am surpressing anything.

and times change, they always will.

-

A few weeks back I chatted with Ray about how it feels weird to grow up.

Like you can literally tell your body changed and has become more womanlike, not like a little girl anymore.

And how the type of fashion that used to interest me, seems off now.

Like the type of clothes are more...mature now.

And I complained how there is not truly a fashion right now that interests me.

I can narrow it down to "feminine, skirts/dresses", but that's much it.

-

Last week I dreamed about how excited I was about Winxclub and I collected the magazines.

I religiously went down to the train station every month to buy the newest one.

Back then we still lived in town. I felt nostalgic and happy about it.

I loved how winxclub magazines were colorful and glittery, they always had a cool gift.

When I woke up, I kept thinking about how gyaru technically was a continuation of just that.

It was glittery and colorful. It was more about fashion than winxclub, although winx also had fashion aspects.

Later on I kept collecting Larme magazines.

-

So basically, the fashion and topic changes but the habits..

me as a person...has never changed at all.

Right now I don't have a specific topic or fashion, also not a special magazine I like.

Maybe it is the habit that is missing here.

-

I thought about how my style changed but then again...it never, really did?

When I was younger I was dreaming of beautiful dresses.

The dress of Rapunzel in the Barbie movie was my favourite.

As a teenager I would browse prom online shops and how I wanted to wear these beautiful clothes.

When I got older it was this japanese online shop, I forgot the name but it probably was a place where some hostesses would shop too. (something with sugar I guess it was).

And again I would browse for beautiful dresses.

Maybe that was why I was so in love with hime gyaru.

I tried all of the substyles because of the variety but in hime was my soul.

After I quit gyaru the first time I looked up more fairycore dresses and later lolita.

And now, I still wear dresses. It is more mature, sometimes I like a touch of vintage. 

Yet it is the habit that never died out.

-

Everything is less pink and less glittery.

There is no magazine to look forward to.

They all shaped me in some way.

I can be excited and have passion.

I believe it is the "childlike" excitement I am missing.

As a child there is something you look forward to.

The newest game, the newest show, the newest magazine, next christmas, next halloween..

Now it's just day by day.

-

I want to be excited for the next day again.

xoxo rinmero