Feel better

Warning: long ass post 

Hellooww

This was probably the shortest on hiatus ever in history lmao..

but I feel better and that's a good thing...there was just too many things at once that dragged me down and I felt like just...needing my time.

Here a lil update now hehe.

Halloween with my cousin in bavaria

I arrived in the evening and we decided to watch a movie and order some food.

We watched "until dawn" and then they said they have a game on the playstation.

I never play..since my brother just took our playstation into his room when we were kids I couldn't play anymore. I had my wii but eventually he took that one as well?

I have never really been a gamer but when I tell you I was addicted lmao.

Probably because it is not exactly "game"...it is a storyline and you decide what to do next.

There were totem that would "help" you decide but sometimes I feel like they made me choose the wrong things HAHA.

Next morning I asked if we could head to a shop to get a new cable for me.

My new phone doesn't have an AUX and I need one for my car, so I can listen to music.

My parents offered me to sell their electric car to me when I told them xD

(new phone, new car yknow HAHA) but I turned down the offer, an electric car, especially for that price would be a downgrade financially for me. It wouldn't make sense but I appreciated they considered me.

I am better off with my fiesta I still have rn.

some selfies in the car!

Her boyfriend believed this was my halloween makeup..He did not understand that this is how I usually look.

We didn't find a cable but this adapter and it would work just as well I think.

A picture with my cousin <3 (yes she is naturally blonde)

She didn't really have a costume and couldn't choose between a red satin dress or this one, she wanted to wear the horns tho because we said we would dress up a bit.

I made her wear the black dress because it gave me more vampy vibes, the other was too elegant.

I picked a red lipstick and wore one of my gothic dresses with my black knee boots I got from shein.

I wanted to take some pictures outside but the lighting was so bad, none of the pictures turned out good...sorry.

Where did we go? We went to an autistic dinner lol.

Her boyfriend is autist and he invited me to go to their autistic meet up which is every last friday in  the month and since there was halloween, I was like "hey cousin, sounds like a perfect match of the day huh?". We used to drink together on halloween with my friend josi but when we grew up, we distanced ourselves because my cousin moved away.

Her boyfriend thinks I have autistic traits and I am gonna be 100% honest with you, I thought the same for many years now but I didn't feel like diagnosing myself.

I learned how to deal with my traits and how I set my limits/borders, so diagnosing now would not have any benefits for me. It was nice to hear tho that an autist themself thought the same.

Then I know I am not crazy for thinking about it or that I overdramatise anything.

The dinner was super funny..when I tell you...I felt like in a big bang theory episode!

It was just exactly like that. Most autistic women canceled, so it was mostly men...and they were all in IT and stuff lmao. I couldn't really talk there since I am not an IT person at all..

There was one guy who was into history and when I talked about fashion, we kinda found a meeting point to talk about there when we combined fashion+history haha.

I stayed longer than I thought (mainly bcuz I was so lazy and didn't wanna drive back).

I finished the until dawn game. I had only 2 survivors lmao.

And then we decided to play a similiar game but multiplayer (smth with ashes was the title).

Because of me we also had only two survivors again.

Sry I am killing all the people lmao.

I drove back the sunday, 4 days later after lunch. They had to go to work next day and I felt a lil bad for leaving so late..I know how exhausting it can be having visit over.

I was glad I could go tho and my cousin said the same.

The phone dilemma

And guess what...I had to send my phone back..YAY.

I told you about the contract mistake ya?

We accidentally set a new contract with the phone and couldn't cancel the old one until november 26.

So we called there, hoping we could find an agreement but we couldn't.

I thought about it and I loved the phone sm, I didn't want to send it back so we decided to keep both.

While I was gone, they canceled the contract tho...Why?

Me and my dad decided to call the next day.

I woke up at night because the moon was shining straight into my face and I thought..let's test the camera a bit more lol.

there were clouds coming up all the time but I think these pictures already look kinda nice <3

We called them and they said, that apparently we said on the phone we didn't want it???

So first of all.

1. I did not say that. I said "ok, we have to think about how we decide".

2. Even if, they can't just cancel bcuz of a phone call? Don't they need it written??

And again, there was no turning back...all the options they gave us would consist of me having to send the phone back first.

So I deleted everything, packed it all back into the box (including the trash because I was petty now), and sent it back.

I decided I will get the phone anyway, because I LOVE it.

But I will take my time now and look for the best deal I can find online.

I definitely won't get anything from them, I am super angry at them now.

It was already unflexible from them they couldn't just cancel the old contract or make a deal with us but I see it was our mistake, so I left it.

But just canceling my new one without asking? just like that?

Nah, no going back.

My old phone contract is until nov 26 and then I will leave them completely and look for smth else.

They fucked up bad here for me.

The wig dilemma

I already told you it was much at the same time?

Here same dilemma.

I received the blonde wig a couple days ago and see there..

it was NOT like I ordered...but I kinda knew that would happen.

130€ for all that stuff? smells like scam.

Here is the wig:

the hair and the wig itself is actually really nice..you can def work with it..

it's just the data...that is incorrect.

the density is not 220% as you can see..that's like 150% if at all.

the length is NOT 24 inch.

the length need to be measured a lil different on wigs than on bundles.

You need to measure on top of the wig.

So a 24inch is shorter on a wig than if you would get bundles and sew a wig yourself.

Just so you know ;)

but regardless, it was like 50-55cm.

24 inch is 60cm.

And it gets reaaally thin at the bottom because of the missing density.

So I think it is 45-50cm max. of actual length (20-22inch).

the lace front is NOT 13x6...that's approx. 11cm which is a 13x4inch lacefront.

a 6 inch should measure around 15cm.

I checked their offer and if I had decided to buy a 13x4inch, 20-22inch and 150% wig, I would have saved around 60€.

One thing I didn't know?

AliEx changed their refund system.

Normally, you can directly ask for a partial refund...send your pictures and the seller can agree or disagree.

Not possible anymore...you can just cancel completely and send back.

So I decided to just contact the seller directly...trying to get a refund.

I send the same pictures...here is the whole beef if you are interested:

I was like: THE AUDACITY xDD

"sry it did not meet your expectations".

Expectations? you mean, receiving what I asked for?

and then just 10€ refund? nah I was mad.

I expected that the wig won't be like I ordered.

Never for 130€ you get all that but the audacity is what made me go wild here, fighting for a refund like a bitch lmao.

The review pictures are definitely fake!!

And then I went to their reviews on their page and looked for the 1 star reviews.

The girls said the same.

One girl said they offered her a refund if she cancels the dispute and then didn't refund her.

After you cancel your dispute on AliEx, you cannot open a dispute again.

(IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO REMEMBER ;) )

They were panicking about the open dispute, like most do when you put the AliEx team into the case and they kept offering me a refund if I close the dispute.

I have to agree I did not see the picture the first time.

And this was like day 4 or 5 of the dispute? idk.

I thought about it and honestly, since I did not expect the hair to meet the criteria anyway, I got tired of fighting here and just risked it.

Next time I know they changed their refund and dispute system.

I was SURPRISED they actually refund me.

Yes it is not the 60€ I asked for but better than nothing.

I have a blonde lacefront wig for 90€ now...which is still kinda a deal tho.

Too bad my taste changed in the meantime but if I feel like wearing blonde...I have one now.

Keep reading to see why.

I also received the tape and the blonde thread.

The tape is just like last time and although it is shorter I imagined...it is enough to cover the lacefront <3

Dying my own hair

I absolutely hated my grown roots and thought it was time to dye my hair.

Since I will not go blonde again (I am defeated) and try to wear wigs instead, I might as well just go dark again.

If my hair is dark, I don't need to dye it that often anymore since the roots won't peak out like crazy anymore.

just like last time I know I need to put some red in but instead of trying red colors I wanted to instantly go dark...I opted for these two colors tho that have red pigments.

I left my hair a little before dying day, thats why they are so damn greasy.

I also didnt feel like cleaning my mirror because I knew it will end up dirty again.

I wanted to cut off my hair as well because of the snapped ones underneath.

It is so disturbing that I had these short ones peaking out all the time and it made me feel awful.

I figured if I cut it just a teeny tiny bit below it won't be too short but still long enough to cover the snapped hair and it wont't look like some broken parts are peaking out.

I cut the hair before I dyed it because it made no sense to me dying hair I will cut off.

Also because after I am done showering I just want to relax and not additionally stand in the bathroom and cut my hair again.

The dye is a whole lot darker than I imagined wow...it is almost black.

BUT with the new haircut it actually looks absolutely gorgeous what the hell.

I had to ask my mum to cut the back a lil and fix it there because that part I could just not get it done right.

In the back it is still a bit too long, it would look better for this length if it was shorter in the back but longterm I want to let it grow out and then having the back shorter will make everything more...exhausting.

I didn't wear makeup today but I wanted to show you the hair..

hooray on meitu makeup editing lmaoo.

It's almost the same color my wig used to have.

My mum absolutely loves it.

Me too...I am actually growing into it.

At first I was like "ah, its so short" but it looks SO DAMN GOOD.

neo-reiwa-gyaru or..nah?

The thought of having dark hair made my mind switch vibes the past week.

I suddenly felt more fond of a different look I used to absolutely love when I was in isolation.

So I am probably trying something else while I am at it.

I made some collages to show you what my vibe was and is again:

pearls, lace, roses, greek mythology, a hint of retro, elegance, mystical, dark femininity, black hair, cheetah/leopard.

When I looked at it it seems like a more accurate version of how I am today.

I probably won't be perceived gyaru with a look like that lmao but also I don't care.

Which is so weird, because nothing changes...just slightly bit different makeup and dark hair?

Am I turning Jibun gyaru?

Maybe haha, maybe it is just a gyaru look break.

While I was mentally down I felt like I needed an AI therapy session to calm down

(does anyone do the same, or are you normal?).

Well at some point I was talking about how I felt frustrated with my hair and I feel like I do not look gal at all without blonde hair and ai told me that probably I should remake gyaru in my own terms.

I already do more or less but still it felt wrong xD

like when you take things way out of context? I felt like I would change the look too much.

Something I haven't exactly pointed out in my last posts in detail yet, is also the feeling that gyaru might not be suitable for me anymore?

It is already difficult to be an onee-gal within the teens and the reiwa scene is more distanced to the original way gyaru used to live (nude fatigue for example).

It made me wonder: maybe I should really quit?

Not that I don't like it anymore but to some degree it feels like I am currently trying to hold on to my old self with force.

Like I would as a young adult (19-20), watching old children movies and shows I used to love because I didn't feel like I want times to change and instead of genuinely enjoying watching them again, I couldn't relate to it anymore. I cried that day because I knew I was not my young self anymore.

Kinda same feeling here. I love gyaru and to some degree I define myself as one but when I actually look up gyaru content, comm, mags etc. I do not truly relate to it. I only relate to it in theory. I feel like I also need to accept that I have grown and I do not relate to many things anymore.

like I have autistic traits, I tend to have gyaru traits, but not exactly gyaru in full.

I finally need to have the strength and make a cut I guess.

I still will do gal from time to time and love the mags and like to get inspo from it..

but I feel like heading towards a unique look even more..

something I feel not only comfortable with but I also deeply am able define myself as.

And if it doesn't look gyaru in the end? So it is then.

And if I feel like wearing my blonde wig sometime and wing a reiwa look, then I will have fun doing so.

todays look

I didn't feel well in the morning so I called in sick for work but later it was completely gone?

I planned going grocery shopping after work anyway so I decided to just head for the shop then and also promised my dad to pick up something from the pharmacy for him.

First time I wore this dress with the knee high boots and it looks pretty good tbh!!

The pharmacy wouldnt open until an hour later so I was like fineee, I go shopping lmao.

I don't have any money yo..

I found a bra in my size on sale (which fits) and this shirt in the mens section.

I planned getting some normal shirts in the future so I can actually have proper loungewear which is not my pajamas. Girls if you want comfy shirts that are cheap as well, look in the mens section.

Don't be shy here.

I found this particular one for only 4€...good enough to take it.

I also quickly went to dms since I know some day I need to get shower gel and contact solution and then I already have it, I need to waste time anyway.

I picked these two christmas/winter ones from treaclemoon.

Both have kinda a berry scent and they are soo good.

They also had a chai latte one which would smell even more winter/christmas-like but I felt like the scent was a bit too strong for my liking so I left it.

some music

I posted a few weeks ago that lafee will publish her new album and I have shown you some of the old songs I liked.

From all the songs from this album I liked she has published 2 weeks ago, next to the other that were already published as a sneakpeak, I liked  "Heiligenschein" most.

I actually set it as my background song now for my blog but you can also watch it here on youtube

A little translation from my side.

"swallow gasoline,

I got fire in my bloodstream.

I am not a girl that has always been good.

If I want, I can drive all night to hell.

please more champagne,

devil, refill my glas!

I don't want to be an angel,

even if heaven is crying.

I don't want to be an angel.

No, I don't wear a halo.

thunderbolts strike above my block.

just the moon is shining above my head.

I don't want to be an angel.

no, I don't wear a halo."

Another song that I currently have on repeat is "Stolz auf was?"

The singer has an amazing voice and I like the text.

here is my translation of the refrain:

"Proud, of what?

Tell me.

Proud, of what?

of the emptiness in the chest.

of the glamour that quickly fades.

Proud, of what?

I ask you all.

Proud, of what?

your words are so loud!

but they tell me:

of what? of the lies you sell to yourselves!"

new layout

matching to my new vibe, I also felt like changing my design a bit.

I didn't want to completely overthrow the layout cuz I really liked the arrangement.

So I asked myself how can I make this design more tame without completely loosing the quirky side of me?

When  I tell youuu...

I was searching for hooours for sparkly gifs that are NOT PINK.

there were emo and gothic stuff and  A TON OF PINK, but also blue, fairy etc.

but of course not really anything my vibe...mainly because If anything at all, it is a new aesthetique which did not exist in the peak blogger/myspace-era. 

The compromise?

Some gifs I found that match the vibe kinda, retro memes on the left (absolutely my kind of humour), some orthodox/gothic/punk-mix lmao, aphrodite of course was necessary and quotes instead of the blingies in my footer.

I tried lmao.

Everything else was too cute, too flashy, tooo...you get it.

I still like it <3

well, that's all from my side lmao.

c-ya.

xoxo rinmero